December 2011
7 posts
For those of you wondering, the least enjoyable movie watching experience is watching Fargo, while your mom cooks something one room over, and with every gun shot yells out ‘IS THAT HIS WIFE?”.
Stephen Merchant Moves From Gervais' Shadow to... →
Nine months ago (yep… in MARCH), I bought tickets to see Stephen Merchant do standup… figuring we would still be friends until the end of the year, Amir got on board… we both forgot for a while, but December crept up on us, and now we get to see Stephen Merchant talk about how tall he is NEXT WEEK! Amir- this is the end of our friendship. Hanukkah is going to be SO AWKWARD now.
October 2011
1 post
Puns about Pie
My roomie and I made an apple pie last night, and decided to invite our friend Jeff to eat some… he hasn’t responded to any of our pie pun emails…
Jacob: yes, jeff if you want come and drop on “pie”
Jacob: i have a “filling” it’s going to be good
Me: Yes Jeff, please “dough” come over for some pie.
Jacob: “crust” assured...
August 2011
1 post
Things that make the local news in Southold, Long...
Old woman died.
A guy got a DWI.
May 2011
3 posts
me:
Alex: hahaha
i only watch 60s-70s era musicals....
ON ICE
me: HA
i like my musicals like i like my whiskey... ON ICE
Alex: hahahahahahaha
best joke
you ever made
me: i feel like we should stop being friends... its only going to be downhill from here
Alex: probably true
April 2011
3 posts
March 2011
7 posts
Sandwich humor
Jed: I MADE MYSELF AN INCREDIBLE SANDWICH TODAY. IT WAS VERY AMAZING.
Me: Tell me more.
Jed: well you see
Me: this sounds like the begnning of the birds and bees talk
"well, you see, when a man loves a woman"
Jed: ha
no
Me: "he gets a fresh loaf of sourdough bread"
"and he slices it at medium thickness"
Jed: WHEN A MAN LOVES A SANDWICH, NOBODY CAN TELL HIM HES WRONG
Me: ah yes, the forbidden love
Jed: GIVE UP HIS BEST FRIEND, IF THE SANDWICH WANTS HIM TO
yours is the better joke
Me: bros before doughs
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH
February 2011
12 posts
Pavla: i dunno, lol fuckyeahdogs reblogged fuckyeahbostonterriers
lol embarassing sentence
Jacob Sloan and I started a new blog with our shitty bagel puns. Follow us!!
www.shittybageljokes.tumblr.com
“No matter who wins this game, we’re really all winners with the black eyed...”
– My brosef Dave
Nancy: totally
like on clueless where the dad makes his daughter highlight certain dates in the discovery
lol jk
Me: HAHAHAHA
Nancy: alicia silvenfeld
Me: alicia silverstone?
Nancy: nicole blumenstone
3 tags
WatchAlex Iezzi made a music video for Big Troubles and IT IS AWESOME!!! <3 <3 <3
January 2011
6 posts
Law school is kinda like The Warriors
me: that bitch stole my seat
Arthur: oh, your seat got jacked!
me: HA
Arthur: lol
ok, this is war
we are taking back that corner
me: SERIOUSLY
i'll get here early on thursday
Does anyone know where Nicole and I can watch the...
You guys, this is serious. Where can we watch it?
One Man’s Losing Fight Against Ladies’ Nights- NY... →
“In 2007, the lawyer, Roy Den Hollander, filed a class-action suit against Manhattan nightclubs like Copacabana, China Club, Lotus and Sol, claiming that they discriminated against men by offering free or reduced admission to women on “ladies’ nights.” Mr. Den Hollander contended that these offers violated the 14th Amendment’s guarantee of equal protection under the law.”
There...
1 tag
December 2010
19 posts
My brother is a nerd
David: can we stop by my apt?
sam left a part of his xbox there
me: okey dokey pokey
mom is reading this im
so don't say anything incriminating.
me: mom thinks that you are talking in code.
David: if i wanted to talk in code i would say this
me: that "part of his xbox" means drugs.
David: if(x=1 && y = 2)for(int x = 0; x++).
echo string "I Hate my mom".
me: haha
i'm blogging that
title: my brother is a nerd.
David: no don't blog that exactly, that was combining two different programming languages!.
WatchMy brother just got back from Conan O’Brien’s holiday party. While he was pretty amped on how nice Conan is, we were both terribly disappointed that Andy Richter wasn’t there! He really wanted to tell Andy that Andy Richter Controls The Universe was such an amazing show! Here’s a great Any Richter clip that made me cry a little.
Even during finals... I still got it.
me: jacob and i ran into mark
and his friend was like "everyone here is swedish? are you swedish?" to jacob
me: and i went "nope... he's DANISH!"
Madeline: LOL
me: and then i made everyone give me high fives
Madeline: soo good
i wanna use that someday
me: mark was like "you could have been subtler..." and i was lke "psh, do you KNOW me? subtlety is NOT my thing"
Madeline: im goin to take a power nap
can you take a lit break
tiny one
me: i'll have to see...
Madeline: otay
me: i'll call you when i finish my exam
when i FINNISH it!
OHHHHHHH
UP TOP!
My Grandma lives next door to Conan O’Brien and I just found out that she got a personal invitation to his holiday party on Saturday… updates to come!
josh heller!: Getting out of jury duty →
Another great way is to say that you hate the police, but that usually only works if its a criminal court house.
heller:
There is a misconception that the number one way to get out of jury duty is by saying something completely racist. That’s not really cool, because saying racist stuff even for show isn’t really cool.
The completely cool way to get kicked off a jury is by stating that you are...
SPOILER ALERT: Don't read if you're doing NY Mag...
Jacob is helping me with this week's crosswords... HUGE NERD ALERT.
me: what movie won best picture this year?
i'm doing a crossword
me: the hurt locker
figed it out
Jacob: oo tell me more
me: hmmmm
receptive student: 7 letters
ends in NER
Jacob: learner
me: ooooo
who wrote robinson crusoe?
D_FO_
Jacob: defoe
!
me: nuisances: _E_TS
Jacob: deets?
me: i don't think so...
here's one i need
New version: _ EMA _
Jacob: are you sure it can't be deets?
remake
me: are deets nuisances?
Jacob: yes!
and remake!
wait, i read that at nuances
nvmnd
me: HAHAHA
ok
Paleness
_ _ L _ OR
palour?
or however you spell that
Jacob: pallor
me: BOOYAH!
Jacob: brb
me: so nuisances was pests
highest social class
_ L _ _ E
update: _ L _ TE
elite!
ardent fan: _ _ O _ _ R
