I have a coworker that is a little intense, I like to imagine his relationship with the other guys in his office as a case of 1950s domestic abuse.
Anonymous Intense Coworker:
i work hard ALL DAY
and ALL I ASK OF YOU is to have dinner ready on time
IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!?
why are you crying?
plate against the wall
SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU
i’m going to the bar with the boys
do you think that John’s wife pulls this shit?!
i was there las tnight
she had AN ENTIRE ROAST prepared
none of this microwavable bullshit
it was piping hot
I’ll be home late and this kitchen better be clean
and dont’ call your sister
- did you like my bday invite??
- Actually it turned me off the whole thing. Too many exclamation marks and ironic abbreviations that have postmodernly become unironic and regularly used.
- but maybe I'll swing by anyways.
While having a perfectly civilized conversation with my coworker about whether or not Hayden Christensen’s character in Factory Girl was supposed to be Bob Dylan (I haven’t seen the movie, so I had to look up images) this happened:
i think it was supposed to be bob dylan
I don’t know where that came from
or who that was
obviously not me
- Me: pavla and i are having a joint bday party on may 3rd... save the date
- Amir: FUCK no
- Me: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??
- Amir: busy.
- Me: what?!
- Me: busy partying it up for our bdays!
- Amir: i have a dentist/theatre date
- Amir: with a girl i met on myspace
- Nicole: i can say party pooper tho in spanish
- so suck on that!
- Justin: yeah
- thats impressive
- Nicole: aqua fiesta
- water on the party
- Justin: i see
- all i know in german is 'nicht schiessen'
- don't shoot
- Nicole: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- there's some metaphor in here
- i just don't know where
- Me: i value your fashion opinion
- Pavla: hahaha
- Me: thats not a joke
- Pavla: i think "thats not a joke" is the most common phrase said to me
So, I’ve been in the process of applying to law school for a while now, but since it makes me feel boring and grown up, I don’t like to talk about it too much. But I’m officially starting school in a little over a month, two weeks after my last day at work! Basically, the first two weeks of May will be full of as much alcohol as possible. All other drinkers welcome.
PS- to all those friends that I love and see regularly, if you see a HINT of me becoming boring and no fun, punch me in the face. If nothing else, the black eye will make me cooler.
My coworker Bridget (one of my most favoritist coworkers) has a 9 month old son. She is sitting a few seats away from me right now talking to another coworker, when I overheard him ask how old Rhys (her son) is, and then he said “so basically, he’s been out as long as he was in”. Ew.